So, the reason I’m writing this is because I saw this giant advertisement for The Secret Life of Pets 2. Now, I’ve never seen the first movie, but i do remember seeing the previews, and let me tell you, I was def not impressed, totally looked like another shit-show movie targeted for brainless children.
And, after reading the wikipedia plot summary, I’m positive that I’m correct. Like the whole thing is a mess. Seriously, go try and read it, and tell me that you don’t agree that it’s a pointlessly convuluted plot. Makes it look like the movie is a giant ball of chaos, but I’m sure that it’s colorful and they have some lame reference to farting/pooping somewhere in there, so it’s a riot for the kiddos. But, even if I was 10 years old right now, I feel like I’d be telling them to cool it down. Like, I feel like it’s almost insulting to children to vomit up this terrible mindless drivel, and then think to capitalize some more on the already dumb original movie by layering on another thick slab of shit-cake.
All this thought about ridiculous movie franchises in combination with pets, led me to think of my childhood. And, in that childhood lived a dog. A giant, drooling, beast named Beethoven. I liked the first movie, but, sure as f*ck, they reduced it to complete sh*t with a sequel. They then took that giant manmade turd, mashed it down, and smeared it all over the table. Like, I couldn’t even tell you how many more Beethoven movies there are, like there’s gotta be at least 6! It makes me wanna scream and pull my hair out, for some reason! Like, sometimes it’s seriously better to leave well enough alone.
Now, I’m thinking about Wall-E, and how it’s one of my favorite movies to watch, and how upset I’d be if they turned that into a franchise. But, there’s a movie that kids benefit from. Wall-E is definitely more cerebral versus the malarky that’s being shoved down their throats as of late. Like, it has social commentary, and tries to teach a lesson, while still maintaining comedy. Which sounds lame, because being taught lessons is seen as annoyingly wholesome, but all great movies, and stories alike, have a lesson. Otherwise it’s just nonsensical Saturday morning cartoons.
So, fact of the matter is, that sequels suck, especially sequels to super agonizingly dimwitted movies. I pity people who go waste their money on that sh*t. Makes me think they’re almost infantile for falling for the same regurgitated jokes, obscenely unoriginal plot points, over and over again, enough for them to warrant purchasing a ticket for Round 2 of trauma to the brain cells. Feel free to try and change my mind though.
