My Strange Obsession

            Okay, so i have like this weird oral fixation, or something.  It’s super odd, I’ve always tried to keep it to myself, and I’m pretty sure I’d be assassinated by PETA, if i ever even tried to do it. But, now, I’m just going to bare it all out to the world. Finally, I’ll get this peculiar desire off my chest, and not have to live with this dark secret any longer.          Alright, so there’s no turnin’ back now, here it goes: I like really, really want to chew on a duck.  No, not just any part of the duck, it’s definitely gotta be its bill. Its big beautiful, amazing bill. Even thinking about it right now is seriously making my mouth water for some reason. I, honestly, have no idea why I have this yearning for a waterfowl’s beak to become my temporary mouthpiece. All I know is that it’s been inside my brain since I can remember.         For real, I specifically recall being in the 1st grade, and daydreaming, in my little chair, at my little desk, about chomping down on a nice duck bill. So, this has obviously been cooking inside of me for quite some time. And, like i said, I’ve got no clue on why. Was I molested by a duck-man, which resulted in some creepy aquatic bird fetish? Possibly. However, regardless of the reason why, there will always be the fact that I just really want to gnaw on their mouths.          It’s not like I even want to eat it, either. I just want to feel it all up in my mouth. Like, I have this super bizarre belief that getting to chew on a bill, would be the most satisfying thing I could ever do in my life. For some reason, I feel like their bills would be hard, yet chewy. Like a really old marshmallow, that’s still kind of soft on the inside. Or, maybe like a really thick rubber balloon, with some water in it. God, it just sounds so f*cking amazing.          I guess, I’ve just been thinking about doing it for so long that I’ve built it up to unrealistic proportions. It’s gotten increasingly worse. So much so, that  it’s to the point where i have to stay clear from any ponds, I just can’t trust myself. My urges would take control. I’d see some poor, defenseless duck, and then BOOM! 2 seconds later that thing would be in my oral cavity, quacking for mercy Muhahahaha! Totally just kidding. Well, just kidding about the lack of self-control. I’m a total gentleman to each duck I pass, I even give ‘em bread if I have any.         But, what’s not a joke, is everything else. It is a complete fact that i have this hunger for duck bills. A hunger that I can never fill, because I’m not a dick to animals. So, I’ll just have to sit, and just imagine the sensations of grinding my teeth across, and exploring the wonders of the duck bill of my dreams. I suppose I’m content with that… at least for now. Now you know that if ya hear in the news about a string of duck disappearances, they’re probably locked in my shed. Their succulent bills sitting there, just waiting to be slobbered on.