There’s this old photograph, from like 2002, that i have somewhere in my closet. I know that wasn’t too long ago, but it feels like it’s old, just because it has my grandma in it. She died like 13 years ago (When i was 8 years old), so that would obviously seem like a long time ago to me. But, anyways, back to the “old” photograph, which now you know contains my dearest Grandmother.
So, the photograph was taken one day, when we were all at this really crappy rundown park in my town. Like, sun-bleached spring riders, homeless drug addicts wallowing through the trees in the background, and all that rad stuff. Anyways, “We” consisted of my Grandma, my brother, and myself. I forget why we were there, but i had to have been like 6 at the time, so i was totally gunning for the playground, like any normal little kid. However, that’s when i made a mistake, that’s affected me to this very day.
While i was busy sprinting over to the sugarcoated ocean of bacteria, and other gross viral sh*t, the camera clicked, and a picture of my Grandma, and brother, was taken. Then, like two years later, she dies. So, now, it makes me feel really regretful, and ashamed, whenever i look at the picture. It just reminds me of how stupid i was to have been so selfish. To not have been there, and had one more token to keep in her memory, for when i was grieving her passing.
What’s worse, is that I so could have been in the pic! Like, my Grandma even asked me to come be in the photo with her. But, my impulsive six-year-old mind was all about going and catching mononucleosis on the slide. I explicitly said “No!”, and ran away from her. I was so mean. However, I also wasn’t aware that she was on her last couple years of life, while cancer ate away at her insides. She never seemed sick until the last stages of her life, actually.
Being that i was young, and completely unaware of her ailment, makes me feel a tiny bit better about being a little douche. It just sucks to feel the shame of doing that to her. Like, she probably knew she was going to be reaching her end sometime soon, and just wanted a photo with her grandkids, and i totally pissed on that. I would redo it all, if i could, though.
It’s definitely a sh*tty memory, but i know that my Grandma knew i loved her. So, I have no real worries, i suppose. I don’t even know why i still have the photo, actually. Or, why it’s me who even has it, since I’m not even in it. In fact, next time i come across it, and it inevitably makes me feel like fresh horse dung again, I’ll take it, and give it to my older brother. That way my brother get’s a nice keepsake, and I rid myself of something that haunts me.
Boom! Another Chase-problem defeated by Chase himself.
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