So, it’s a really weird situation, but I have a few friends who all take on responsibility of maintaining a house that we share use of for our business endeavors. The house once had a decent looking backyard, nice lush grass, lights strung all over, a sparkling blue swimming pool. It was like a summer party waiting to happen at any second.
There was like a bagillion hammocks to go relax on, a bubbling jacuzzi to chill in, it was practically perfect. However, the leader of the house, who made sure everything ran smoothly like cogs in a clock, had to run off to Texas for months on end, leaving behind two successors, a man and a woman, to carry things onward in his absence. That’s when sh*t went downhill.
Never have I seen people so incapable of taking proper care of a yard other than those two. Like, what I thought was common knowledge or, better yet, common sense, turned out to be completely foreign to these guys. With the leader gone, I was only sporadically at the house, so I couldn’t stop them from obliterating everything.
First up to bat was the woman. Who happened to have the longest period of time as caretaker of the house, and though she definitely tried, and there’s major brownie points for that, the backyard declined rapidly under her supervision. She watered the dirt every day until hundreds of weeds sprang forth, and because it was green, she deemed it grass. There was a point where I was forced into watering this patch of weeds, even after explaining, and explaining that there’s no sense in helping parasitic plants to grow. She did, however, hang up more lights, which do look nice, so there’s that.
Next came the man, who took the baton from the woman, and was given a terrible starting point. His idea was to lay down fertilizer and plant grass seeds, which seems like the best plan. But, nobody removed the weeds. He literally fertilized, gave nutrients to, all the weeds growing in the yard. And, weeds are parasitic, they sap away all the nutrients from all other plants, and prevents everything, besides itself, from growing. The chances of the grass germinating very well is little to none, and what does grow will eventually die.
So, I tried to help by spraying weedkiller, which didn’t sit well with the man. He screeched at me, wanting me to stop what I was doing, because he assumed it was going to enter into the soil, and prevent grass from growing. Even though everyone knows that herbicides evaporate from the ground after about 24 hours, so it’d have little effect on the burgeoning grass. But what WILL effect the grass, is all those f*cking weeds that are being fed and watered daily by the man.
As of right now, the man is still in charge of things. We’ll see as time passes just how well he does, which I honestly hope he succeeds in, because that backyard definitely needs some TLC. If not, I’d be more than happy to show these f*ckers what’s up when it comes to taking care of sh*t, perhaps my wisdom will rub off on ‘em, God hoping.
