Okay, I love Jello! I mean, who doesn’t, though? There’s SO much awesome sh*t you can do with it. Like, my all-time favorite, mashing your thumbs into its squishy perfectness, until it’s a globby mess. Which is, pretty much, like, a metaphor of how I’m constantly the perpetrator of screwing up my own life, you know? But, besides that cool sh*t, there’s tons more you could do with Jello!
For instance, if you’re a freak, and happen to ‘love’ marshmallows, you could totally make them Jello-ified! Just by taking a normal marshmallow recipe, and switching out the flavorless gelatin packets, for whatever Jello taste suits your whimsy. And, then, voila! Gross colorful marshmallows, with a zing of your favorite artificial fruit. Makes me sick to my stomach, but, to each their own, I suppose.
Then there’s the classic dyeing your hair with jello mix, or Kool-Aid, that all those trashy middle-schoolers love to do. Combining your color-of-choice gelatin mix with some conditioner, and leaving it on for around an hour, turns your hair into the crappy epitome of our early-adolescent mediocrity-phase, which we all seem to go through. Ugh, I used to see girls suck on their jello-stained strands of hair all throughout the school day. Pretty gross to me, but whatever.
Also, if you have little demon spawns running around, or are just a kid at heart, you could easily make DIY Play-Doh for them, or, you know, for yourself. Everything needed to make it can be found in the kitchen, too. So simple, and pretty fu*king rad, if you ask me. Then, for all my artsy-fartsy buddies, if you can’t afford paint, for whatever reason, or, just want to look cool and original in front of your friends, there’s another use for Jello, that is, yet again, a piece of cake to do. Just pour the mix into some boiling water, and stare at it ‘til it gets all nice and pasty. Not sure how well it works, but it’s a different way of doing things, which could end up great in the end.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of those boring, plain old bubbles. My childhood zest for these pockets of air, is gone with the wind. I wish there was some sort of dessert mixture, which could somehow bring back my childlike enthusiasm for bubbles. Oh wait, there is, and it’s called jello. Some warm water, dish soap, and a nice helping of gelatin mix, will have me blowing rainbow bubbles constantly. This change alone is enough to return anyone to a state of prepubescent bliss.
See? There’s so many reasons to love jello. Tomorrow, if I wanted, I could whip up a batch of flavored lip gloss using the stuff. Or, I could be weird, and preserve freaky sh*t in a jello prison for all eternity. I could honestly sit here, and build a jello-powered microbial fuel cell right in front of you. Got a single LED you need lighted up? I’m your man with the jello-salvation, praise me. The uses go on from there, I’m sure. I mean, you could also eat it, but that’s super disgusting.
