• Blog

    A F*cked Up Story

            So, there was this one time in high school where I was just like a huge dick, okay? This story that I’m about to lay on you is seriously like something out of a teen movie. If I could go back in time, I’d obviously change…

  • Blog - Life - Personal Stories

    Tarantula Hunting

         So, growing up with my brother wasn’t really all too bad. In between him being a total sadistic nutcase towards me, there’d be little breaks where we’d actually get along, and spend time together. Thankfully, these breaks meant that I would be replaced as the subject of torture…

  • Blog - Life - Personal Stories

    My Little Regret

              There’s this old photograph, from like 2002, that i have somewhere in my closet. I know that wasn’t too long ago, but it feels like it’s old, just because it has my grandma in it. She died like 13 years ago (When i was 8…

  • Blog - Life - Personal Stories

    My Duct Tape Prison

              So, throughout my childhood, I was put through a constant reign of terror from my older brother. He despised that i was obviously superior in like every way. That is, every way EXCEPT brute strength, which he totally capitalized on. I mean, I would breath…

  • Blog - Life - Personal Stories

    My Strange Obsession

                Okay, so i have like this weird oral fixation, or something.  It’s super odd, I’ve always tried to keep it to myself, and I’m pretty sure I’d be assassinated by PETA, if i ever even tried to do it. But, now, I’m just going…

  • Blog

    Biology Trapped Me In Boyhood

    Genetics suck. You know, the things in our DNA, that have the ultimate decision in screwing you over. They get to choose things, like how big your nose is, how fat you’ll most likely be, and which debilitating, horrible illness you’ll be susceptible to. Also, especially in my case, genes…

  • Blog - Life - Personal Stories

    Pimped Out (For Free)

    It’s kind of crazy how the internet gives people more confidence. Like, for instance, in this screenshot from Grindr. I really don’t think somebody could ask that in real life, unless they had like some sort of social disorder. I mean, it’s like am I supposed to say ‘Oh yeah!…

  • Blog - Life - Product

    The Add-Ons

    So, if you’ve read my previous post, then you’d know all about my work’s main treatment. Now, I’m going to tell ya all about the awesome add-ons we can, like, add-on to your treatment. There’s a whole slew of goodies we offer to our lovely patients, that boast a wide…

  • Blog - Life

    The Treatment

    As we all know, I’m a recently licensed medical esthetician, and I’ve scored my first job at a medical spa, over in Bakersfield! I’ve been getting to do tons of cool sh*t, from things like laser light therapy, to using electrical currents to literally work out people’s face muscles. But,…

  • Blog

    Blow It Up Your Cat’s A$$

    Recently, I’ve been wanting a cat super bad. The last cat i had was, like, dragged off my porch one night by some vicious animal, or something. So, obviously, I’ve been needing to find another furry friend to smother with all the burning love pent up inside my over-affectionate body.…