I used to be a Sims addict. Like, I’d seriously lose my sh*t if you uttered even a single phrase to me while I was in the zone. You don’t know how many times my mother had to smack me upside the head for going batshit on her, like I’m about 1001 brain cells short of what I used to be. Totally could’ve been the next Einstein, but was cut down in my prime. Thanks Mom!
Anyways, I have a specific reason for bringing up The Sims. You see, you can make your little person do whatever you want them to. They’re nothing but virtual puppets, and you’re their master, playing God with them as you see fit. So, in between my wreaking absolute havoc on my unsuspecting brainless victims, I’d like to give them a sense of normalcy, let them bring their artificial guards down, before I strike the wrath of Chase upon them yet again.
I’d let them do regular things like talk to their children, bathe, and cook. Which finally brings me to my specific reason for bringing it all up. One day, my Sim was feeling hungry, so I allowed them a meal. They went to their little fridge, whipped out a bunch of pixelated who-knows-what, and began preparing this elaborate dish, which really intrigued me. They pull the thing out of the oven, and it’s this giant white cake. I’m sitting here thinking like “Wow what a fatass”, and then BOOM! They set it on fire!
Which wasn’t by accident! Nope, it’s all part of how you do the cake. And I thought it was super cool, so I freaked out, and had to know if this was a legit thing in the real world. So, I scoured the internet, looking for any traces of something similar to this obscure pixelated cake, probably looking like the biggest geek in the universe. But, voilà! I found it!
It’s called Baked Alaska, and it looks like a dream. It’s a big yummy dessert, filled with your favorite flavors of ice cream, that rests on a moist spongy bed of pound cake, wrapped in a creamy meringue blanket. Then the b*tch is set on fire, giving the white meringue a golden-toasted hue, and astonishing the audience with its presentation. And, trust me, I was astonished, and I’ve only seen the computer-generated version.
Over the years it has developed into one of the foods I absolutely must try. All I need to do is find a person to be my real-life mindless Sim. Someone who I can impose a world of absolute chaos and destruction on, yet still be readily available to make cake at the drop of a dime. If that person’s you, feel free to hit me up.
